27 September 2005

Today's Papi Offering, Orioles Press Release...

Double Header in Boston today- Wakefield defiles Bush in the afternoon, Schilling eviscerates Chacin this evening. Win both today, boys.

The Papi offering for today:

You rack em up, David knocks 'em in. That's how he rolls. Just accept it.


9/27/05 11:28 AM
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The Baltimore Orioles announced today that, to clarify their performance over the past two weeks, the team has officially decided to cease any and all attempts at exertion of effort or favorable outcomes in games. The rest of the season will be played more or less as an obligation, and with no real interest either way in the outcome.

"Look, is this how we wanted the year to end back when it started?" offered interim manager Sam Perlozzo. "No. Of course not. But look- the Red Sox are a great team. The Yankees are a great team- we just aren't seeing the point. Knock one of them out of the playoffs? Why? They'll do that to each other this weekend. We'd rather play it this way and then come out strong for the first three and half months of next year."

Owner Peter Angelos has also permitted renaming the Orioles home stadium- Oriole Park at Camden Yards- after the home stadium of whomever the visiting team may be over the last six games because, after all, "those aren't Oriole fans in those seats." Angelos was quoted as saying as much after a sharp change of heart- just this past Sunday, Angelos ordered the Bucky Dent HR video from the 1978 one game playoff between Boston and New York played between innings to, in his words, "shut those Red Sox fans up." Unfortunately, it was met alternately with laughter, yawning, and pity.

Speaking for his teammates, player representative Jay Gibbons was quoted earlier this week as saying, "as a team, we're counting down the hours to the end of the season; not the days." When asked last night after the Orioles 11-3 loss to the Yankees if this was still true, Gibbons replied, "no... now it's more minutes being counted down. Maybe even seconds. Guys, I didn't even wear a cup out there tonight. I think I saw two pitches in five at bats- I don't even know how I did it.

"We're tired, we're bored, and we all have better things to do. Let's stop beating around the bush and just play out the string without exhibiting too much chutzpah and go home. I bought a new plasma screen... I've been writing... I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life. Same with the guys in here."

Not all players agreed, however. Miguel Tejada, the lone dissenter on the decision, called it "bool-cheet."

The Orioles have also begun sales of 2006 season ticket packs. Call 1-800-ANGELOS for details.

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