28 September 2005

Robin Givens, Dennis Farina, Papi Offering, the Late Works of Mr. Chris Farley...

I keep forgetting to mention, and now I remember- on Friday I was traveling on 44th St. right near Broadway when, walking alongside a huge bodyguard, there strutted Darlene Merriman, Mrs. Mike Tyson... Robin Givens! Of course, when I told Erin this, she mixed up "Givens" with "Quivers" (understandable) and I instantly felt like I'd rather have met Howard's Robin instead of Tyson's. Anyway, and I'm not kidding, Robin looked at me and smiled. She kinda checked me out. I had to stop and tell her how little money I was worth and how poor a left hook I had, lest she entertain the thought of one day tracking me down. Actually, that would have been a good story. Should have let it go. Terrible job by me.

Then, not 20 paces later, coming out of his hotel was Ray "Bones" Barboni, George O'Farrell of the Minnesota Twins, Jimmy Serrano himself... Dennis Farina. Farina I actually said something too- "Hey, Mr. Farina!"- and he turned and waved. I almost said the "I'm a huge fan!" thing, but I'm really just not, so I held off. I don't hate him or anything, but he's Dennis Farina. Come on.

In retrospect the more wise allocation of my celebrity approaching would have been to really put the moves on Givens and pass on Farina. Farina is a nickel and dime celebrity- they're all over. You'd have to be blind not to see a Dennis Farina once in a while- but Givens... Givens was a nice catch.

Isn't she kind of loco? Am I remembering that right?

Today's Papi offering:

When David comes to the plate with the game on the line, it's electric: boogie-oogie-oogie.

Piss on Lilly tonight, David. Get it rolling.

Let me first say- I loved Chris Farley. Loved him. I think everyone that was into him back in his prime can say the same thing, but he truly felt like your brother, or your cousin. What made him so appealing besides being one of the funniest people alive was his total benevolence. He was such a sweet persona that there was this welling in you when you laughed at him- it was impossible to resist. A really brilliant, brilliant comedic actor.

So anyway, I had SNL on in the background last night and the episode came on when Farley did a return Guest Host gig during the Ferrell salad days. I was watching a bit of it, and it occurred to me that it'd be great if Lorne, the E! channel, Ted Casablanca, Steve Kmetko- someone- should sort of step in and say, "guys, we're just not going to play this one anymore. We got plenty of other episodes to work from."

For starters, like many episodes in that era, it's simply not funny at all. But that's besides the point- not only is Farley not funny, but the sketches and the writing have him playing as a bully-ish, aggresive, nasty asshole. As much as I dug the one moment where he, playing the storm el Nino, says that "el Nino is Spanish for... the NINO!" it's only one moment.

The whole thing just plays as being very exploitative, like someone should have stepped in during the week and told him it really would be a good idea for him to go home and maybe take a 3 day nap or something. I mean, he's clearly been out partying for days straight before the show, as not only is he sweating PROFUSELY at the faintest stimulus, but his voice is roughshod, an octave deep and just spent. His head looks like it's going to pop off every time he moves, and from what I could see, his eyes looked bloodshot almost the entire broadcast.

It's really sad to watch, it isn't funny, and I don't really see what's to be gained by playing the episode.

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