01 June 2005

Chopper, Wanda the Pain, Deep Throat...



Edgar Renteria won AL Player of the Week Honors Tuesday, capping a six game stretch that saw him finally shake off the rust and finally put together a string of really good, solid at bats. These were the type of plate appearances that, even if they were to result in outs, were comforting. He was laying off bad pitches, resisting the urge to pull everything, spraying the ball to all fields- playing to his strengths. Not a lot of weak 6-3s this past week. Way to go, Chopper. This makes me not-as-mad for turning my home red Renteria jersey into a home red Wells jersey.

The right-handed hitter, who had struggled in his first few weeks with the Red Sox, regained his form in a big way. Both the Blue Jays and Yankees had no clue how to get him out during a six-game stretch between May 24-29, which saw Renteria go 16-for-24 with seven runs scored, two home runs and six RBIs. The signature moment from Renteria's red-hot week was a grand slam struck during Boston's 17-1 rout of the Yankees last Saturday.

During the six-game span alone, Renteria raised his average from .239 to .295, hitting safely in each game. Renteria had two home runs, six RBIs, seven runs scored and a .680 on-base percentage. He led the AL with 25 total bases while finishing fourth in slugging percentage at 1.042, and had five multihit games.


In related news, the first All Star Balloting tally has been released, and a few Red Sox are currently leading in votes. Here are the leaders by position thus far:

C- Jason Varitek, Bos.
1B- Tino Martinez, NYY
2B- Brian Roberts, Bal.
SS- Miguel Tejada, Bal.
3B- Alex Rodriguez, NYY
OF- Vladimir Guerrero, Ana.
OF- Manny Ramirez, Bos.
OF- Ichiro Suzuki, Sea.
DH- David Ortiz, Bos.


Pretty good list there. I might put Teixeira (aka "Virgin Ears"- big shoutout to anyone who can guess where I got that nickname) in there over Martinez, but otherwise, good stuff. People tend to lose sight of the fact that this is, after all, an All Star Game, and not really a reward for barely-half-a-season of performance. People are going to vote for who they want to see play, and well they should. So yeah, it was cool with me seeing Jeter in there last year even if he started the year sucking ass, and I'm fine with Manny and his slow start making it. That's just how it works.

And in the "spoils of victory" department, Tito is managing this year for the AL, and will get to put a bunch of Sox on as reserves. I am REALLY, REALLY hoping that Trot stays hot, and he puts him on. This will probably be his best chance at an All Star Game in his career, and he's had a tremendous year so far. So I hope he goes.






Washington Post confirms, and it's true: Mark Felt was Deep Throat. Wow. That's really crazy, when you think about it, that this finally came out. I was always curious about this- you'd hear rumors about Rehnquist, Gerald Ford, etc- but it was Mark Felt.

I thought it was Hal Holbrook! And dude- Linda Lovelace was way hotter.

Seriously though, a real modern American hero. Doing what's right no matter what. Corny, but true. Atta boy, Felt.

Of course, not everyone was impressed:


Patrick J. Buchanan Nixon Speechwriter and adviser, now a conservative commentator:

"I've always thought it was Mark Felt. I've told people that privately for a number of years. But I have not mentioned it publicly because I think Deep Throat is a dishonorable man."

"I think Mark Felt behaved treacherously. I'm unable to see the nobility of the enterprise, sneaking around in garages, moving pots around, handing over material he got in the course of the investigation."



Charles W. Colson, Special counsel to Nixon who served seven months in prison, now running Prison Fellowship Ministries, a Christian evangelical group that works with inmates:

"I am really shocked" about Mr. Felt's role. "I always thought that he was the consummate professional, very upright, everybody's vision of the F.B.I. guy.

"I can understand that he may have had some moral reservations about what was happening, but the right way to do it is to look the president in the eye and tell him, it isn't to go sneaking around dark alleys and talking to reporters. If the president had blown him off, he could have held a press conference and announced what he had done and he would have been a hero."







So I went home this weekend, and since Erin did as well (and they don't allow annoying little puppies on the bus), I was in charge of Wanda this weekend. This meant I had to take her, with my 500 lb laundry bag, in the middle of the rush to get away from NYC for Memorial Day, in a cab to Grand Central, get on a packed train, and hold her still for an hour and a half.

Add to that my mom's dog, Muggsy, a bichon, is like, fucking death walking. His breath smells like Bigfoot's dick and he has a heart disease where, if he gets excited- which is anytime anyone walks through the front door- his heart swells up, it traps his lungs, and he has a seizure.

So enter Wanda, who goes a mile a minute and loves nothing more than being her ghetto thug self and attacking Muggsy, and really, if you want the smart money, you're taking my mom's dog in the death pool. Go put the money down, he's got one foot in the grave. Or the crematorium, as it were.

Anyway, one mistaken bird slaughter aside, Wanda was pretty good... but the ride back to NYC was an adventure. She chewed through her collar while at my mom's house in CT, so we had to borrow Muggsy's for the ride back, lest I nearly guarantee losing her. Here's an email I sent my mom this morning:

Hey, so last night, I get off the train, right? And I actually had decided to just hold onto Wanda, just in case she slip out her collar. So I go out to the line up of cabs outside of Grand Central, and my arm's getting pretty tired, cos she's gotten kinda heavy, and my other one is lugging that damn laundry bag. So I'm on 42nd St., and I start to get in to one of the cabs, and he starts shouting, "No, no, no!" As in, no dogs. So I go to get into another one, and I start to put Wanda down, and he's like "Where are you going?" So I told him, and he says, "No. No dogs." Thanks!

So I lead Wanda out of the back of the cab, and she hits the pavement, yanks her head right out of the collar, and- off she goes, untethered, bloting around like a retard along 42nd St. Thankfully there are those giant barricades along the street to prevent car bombs, and she couldn't reach the street. So I slowly walked behind her, trying to sneak up, and she kept sprinting away- so then she gets to a break in the blockade, and starts to glance out to the FRIGGIN ROAD! So I just shout "somebody stop her!" So this woman reaches down to grab her, but Wanda dashes away back towards the buildings- thank god. She runs back towards Grand Central, and some DICKBAG opens the FUCKING door for her. So I'm thinking, "great, she's gonna get into GC, and she'll turn a corner and disappear."

But it actually turned out to be good, because the second set of doors kept her in thet little area and I scooped her up and found a non-jerkoff cabdriver to take us home.

It's like taking care of Courtney Love 24/7 or something.


She's straight crazy train, yo.






Considering his neutered site has become about as relevant as Brett Michaels' film career, I've been laying off the doggy-bashing lately, but I really couldn't resist this one. I layed off all the retarded Renteria negativity, I laughed when he patted himself on the back for "forgiving" him and ordering the Faithful to standing 'O' him.

I sort of shrugged my shoulders at this line: "The Young Starter Has Been Up and Down This Season", regarding Bronson Arroyo. A strange assessment considering the 28 year old Arroyo is neither "young" nor been "up and down" this season. He's well past the early part of his career, and he started the year brilliant, but was bad in his last two starts. That's not really yo-yo material.

But this- this is self delusion and self promotion extraordinaire. Beautiful. He gets one of his clones to write an "article" on an evaluation of the media (which he considers himself one of- or not, if he's decided to make shit up at some point) that has this paragraph:

Both sets of media educate, inform, and entertain their audiences. We also have to ask where to draw the line among news reporting, rumor, innuendo, and character assassination. This week, one of the more outspoken WEEI commentators replied that if he were going to get inside information, he’d go to ESPN Insider, not Dirt Dogs, the implication being that most Internet sites have neither scoops nor reliable data. Peter Gammons defended the site; he correctly reported that overseer Steve Silva has numerous sources both within and outside the sports world. Time has proven Mr. Silva right on numerous occasions, from the extent of player injuries to obscure signings from Japan.


This is a direct response (of course from someone else, so Steve's still the "good guy") to a little controversy that stirred up when Silva tried his hand at inside info again after being burned his last time around (and being neutered ever since). He stole a story off SoSH (his words, not mine- per his new a-hole ripping session on EEI regarding the story) where a poster had been told by a shopkeeper in Cooperstown that Foulke was in Alabama getting an injury checked out.

The story ran, without credit to SoSH, the original poster or the guy that emailed the said poster. When the story started being debunked a little- a lot, really- Steve started backtracking on his "injury" claim (sort of like the whole "I never said Nomar TOOK steroids when I said he was "named" in Canseco's book!) and "credited" SoSH. In other words, "it was wrong? Oh. Well then it wasn't me, I got it off SoSH."

Here was the real story, from DD defender (for some reason) Peter Gammons, who obviously has different "inside sources" than Steve, his defense of him notwithstanding:

Keith Foulke took last Monday's off-day to go see Dr. Glen Fleisig and the staff at ASMI in Birmingham for an evaluation of his delivery. Because ASMI is in conjuncton with Dr. James Andrews, there were reports that Foulke was having shoulder problems. Foulke would not discuss it. "Every player has the right to privacy," said one Sox official. "Most of our pitchers go there at some point each year." Why not? Fleisig might be one of the best practicioners of pitching biomechanics in the world.


But anyway, long story short, that passage is a total knee slapper. Especially this line:

We also have to ask where to draw the line among news reporting, rumor, innuendo, and character assassination.


FleaBag's shattered that line so often, I don't think he even cared it existed. He's a bad guy. Don't listen to him OR his third grade song parodies. God, the ironing is delicious.






Heads up- I was in the Virgin MegaStore last week, and I saw an actual billboard for the new The Warriors game on PS2, from Rockstar. Not only did it have a cool, animated cover, but it had a release date- September. That one's going to be fantastic.

Also, speaking of video games, I beat Star Wars Episode III last week. Really, really great game, and though it was a little short, I like playing it, so I'll get a lot of mileage out of replaying, etc. The unlockables- Darth Vader, Ben Kenobi, the Death Star... really make it worth it. I'd have liked to be able to unlock like, Darth Maul and Luke and Yoda, but oh well. You do actually get to play as Yoda in one level. I fucking love Yoda.




Finally, for your viewing (and reading) pleasure- the greatest comic strip of all time... Calvin and Hobbes:


Click strip for larger, readable version that I couldn't fit in this here post.




The fun part about celebrity lookalikes? Everyone can play, and everyone has fun! Look at this one- that's Ronan Tynan on the left... or is it the right?!

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