16 May 2005

Manny 400!, The Hawk, Hitchhikers, Chappelle, Ep. III...


This Sunday, Manny Ramirez hit his 400th HR off Gil Meche, a 3-R blast to RF in Seattle. Ramirez is the 39th player to reach the milestone, while being both the 14th ALer to do so, the 5th to do it in a Red Sox uniform, and the 4th fastest to the mark.


Manny Ramirez- 5.15.05, vs Seattle (Gil Meche)
Andre Dawson- 4.15.93, vs Cleveland (Jose Mesa)
Carl Yastrzemski- 7.24.79 vs Oakland (Mike Morgan)
Ted Williams- 7.17.56 vs Kansas City (Tom Gorman)
Jimmie Foxx- 6.27.38 vs Cleveland (Bob Feller)


Babe Ruth- 4,854 AB
Harmon Killebrew- 5,300 AB
Jim Thome- 5,416 AB
Manny Ramirez- 5,695 AB
Willie McCovey- 5,751 AB

Congrats, Baby Bull! I've said for forever, when Pedro is inducted into the Hall of Fame, I'm going to be there, and when Manny Ramirez is inducted, I'm going to be there. Can't wait.

The Broseph has entered the realm of... The Hawk. It is glorious, it is transcendent... it is his haircut for the junior Prom. Amazing.

Not to be confused with this Hawk, known of course to fans of the MTV reality series Tough Enough. Yo Mike, am I going to tell this story? OK, I will.

So Casey, Mike's boy, somehow found Hawk's AIM screenname ("mrhollywood883"), and when they told me they had it, and that it was confirmed (through an act of severe gayness by Casey), they enlisted me to help in fucking with him.

Long story short, we get him to call our house with the prospect of phone sex, he does, we pretend to be the girl's dad, he freaks out and calls back the next day, telling me his lawyer is "going to rape [my] ass," among other steroid-induced shouts. Also known as, in our house, "the greatest thing that ever happened." Much funnier if you've ever seen the show. If you have... yeah, we made fun of him for crying. Yes, I'm proud of this story.

How's that for a tangent? Mike's 'do looks bitchin.

Speaking of steroids... have you seen Real World/ Road Rules the Inferno II? I have. Between John sacrificing himself to the Inferno using Christ as his inspiration, Tonya throwing Beth's clothes in the pool, one team outsmarting (I use that term loosely) the other so bad the outsmarted team literally had a fucking breakdown, and Brad having a meltdown over his underwear being touched ("Congratulations, you're a meathead son- but don't EVER touch my underwear"), this has been one of the best seasons yet.

And last week, we had one of the most stirring and unbelievable athletic competitions ever televised- the American Gladiators-esque head-to-head between Brad and Abram- the Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire of RW/ RR showdowns. Basically it was, "guys, put on some football helmets, slam into each other, and try to get this ball in that trash can." Riveting TV. Just pulse-pounding. Even though the bad guy Abram won (Brad's one of the funniest reality TV people, ever- you do NOT want him going home), these were literally the two PERFECT opponents for this contest. I could actually hear their balls shrinking and their back-acne popping.

Anyway, my point- if you want to read Mike the "Miz"'s take on these episodes (and his past RW/RR related appearances), check out his diary page. Awesome stuff. The kid can really write:

About this alliance bullsh#t. The first night we were in Manzanillo Landon came up to me and asked if I was in an alliance with Abram. I said no, I don't like getting into alliances because I like having good competition at the end. Everyone kept asking me if I had an alliance. Hell even after I was chosen to go into the inferno the first time people still thought I had an alliance. Okay let's think really hard people if I was in an alliance why am I going to the inferno. Must be a really sh@tty alliance. EVeryone was so worried about alliances and I do believe that some people did have alliances and those will probably come out later. But going into the Inferno twice I have the worst alliance in the world. So no we didn't have an alliance.

Cut-and-pasted. No changes, I swear.


OK, so I read the article on Dave Chappelle in the new TIME magazine where Dave "speaks." It's slightly comforting, but it's still not something you want to hear.

Dave's not in a mental facility, but he's run off to South Africa, mostly because he's been really uncomfortable and disillusioned with his own response to fame. Almost like Kurt Cobain with Nirvana. Here's a quick bit from the article:

The third season hit a big speed bump in November 2004. He was taping a sketch about magic pixies that embody stereotypes about the races.

The black pixie—played by Chappelle—wears blackface and tries to convince blacks to act in stereotypical ways. Chappelle thought the sketch was funny, the kind of thing his friends would laugh at. But at the taping, one spectator, a white man, laughed particularly loud and long. His laughter struck Chappelle as wrong, and he wondered if the new season of his show had gone from sending up stereotypes to merely reinforcing them. "When he laughed, it made me uncomfortable," says Chappelle. "As a matter of fact, that was the last thing I shot before I told myself I gotta take f______ time out after this. Because my head almost exploded."

He is Muslim, but that's something he's keeping private, etc., and has little bearing on what's going on with him. He's not on drugs and what-have-you- he feels the people around him have changed.

One interesting thing is how 100% comfortable a lot of people around him- the head of Comedy Central, his writing partner Neil Brennan, his publicist- are in going on record as being totally baffled, angry, worried, and confused by how he's been acting.

Go read the article- the one in the new issue of TIME is different from that online link, though that's interesting too. Hope Dave comes back soon and blows everyone away- but that's starting to look like not only a long way off, but more and more difficult for him.

Also- who knew he had a farm in Ohio with his Asian wife, two kids, and he was a Muslim?! Think you know a guy...

I saw Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy today, and it was kind of boring. Not really all that good. Mos Def was good, Zooey Deschanel was hot, but Sam Rockwell was fucking awful and didn't even seem to care, and Martin Freeman just made me want to come home and watch The Office. The one thing it REALLY had going for it was the visual element- it was really a striking looking movie, especially the monsters and such. I'm a sucker for that, so they got that down. That's about it though.

More importantly- saw a poster for the next George A Romero- Land of the Dead, a movie I'm crawling out of my skin to see. That's in June.

Plus, while it seems like a bad idea, I saw the trailer to Bad News Bears, and while it won't be as great as that original, Billy Bob Thornton was perfect for this part, so it's only natural we see him do it. I mean, if you've seen Bad Santa, you know he plays "pissed off, annoyed and unamazed by kids" to a 'T.' So I'll see it. The trailer made me laugh more times than Hitchhiker's- like three times as many.

Finally, I saw another Star Wars: Episode III trailer too. Seriously. There is no way this movie will not blow my nards out. I can't wait. It's going to be so badass. I'm going to go see it and buy a lightsabre and run home playing Anakin vs Kenobi with Erin, jumping and kicking in full Jedi style while making sound effects with my mouth down 86th St. after I go see it. Awesome.

All praise due to THE HAWK

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