28 February 2005

Let's Talk Oscar...

What the FUCK?!

It happened again! AGAIN! Martin Scorsese was nominated for an Oscar in direction for a very great movie he made, and he lost yet again, bringing his total wins in the category over his illustrious and peerless career to a fat fucking whopping zilch. Martin Fucking Scorsese.

Raging Bull- lost to Redford.
Taxi Driver- lost to Avildsen (wasn't even nominated).
GoodFellas- lost to COSTNER.
Gangs of New York- lost to Polanski.
Mean Streets- lost to George Roy Hill (wasn't even nominated).
Last Temptation of Christ- lost to Barry Levinson.
The Aviator, this year? Lost to Clint Eastwood.

I don't mean to say that some of those guys weren't worthy- Clint made a great film in Million Dollar Baby, Roman Polanski has always been a great filmmaker, as was George Roy Hill. But it's amazing to me Scorsese hasn't slid in there sometime. Not even once. This was the perfect year- directed a great, big budget epic. He's never won. Everyone loves and respects him. The film is great. The rest of the field is made up of guys you can excuse NOT giving it to- Eastwood has won before (Unforgiven), Payne/ Hackford were guys that would have their chances, and no one's giving Mike Leigh an Oscar- he's the perennial space filler of the five nominees (these of course are not my own opinions, but the conventional logic these things operate on). Scorsese was the easy "sentimental" vote.

So one has to wonder who's brother he shot to get denied so often. Oh well- Kubrick, Welles, Hitchcock and many other greats never won one either. What are you gonna do?

Hey, I'm Sean Penn, profession actor/ self important assbag.

Yo, I love Sean Penn. Really, I do. Mystic River, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dead Man Walking (a movie every single actor should be required to see), Sweet and Lowdown, The Thin Red Line, Carlito's Way, Casualties of War, Colors. He's amazing- one of the top five film actors EVER maybe. In fact, I've never even had a problem with him before. Sure, he takes things a little too seriously sometimes- whatever, he's an intense guy. He's often overtly political- but he's also well-informed. He didn't spout off on Iraq until... he went over to Iraq. There's something commendable in that.

But I'm really down on him right now. That's how lame he was last night on the Oscars. I mean, really. Chris Rock came out in his monologue, poking fun at people in Hollywood, making fun of famous people... blah blah blah. Pretty tame stuff. At one point, Rock mentions, "If you can't get Tom Cruise for your movie, WAIT! Don't just use Jude Law." He went on to wonder why Jude Law was in every movie ever the last three years. Pretty tame stuff, actually.

So like, 15 hours later as he came out to present the award for Best Actress, he sauntered out like he'd put a down payment on the place, his shirt unbuttoned down to his nipple level. He walks to the mic and goes off script right away. Indignantly, and in the vague direction of the off-stage (read: Chris Rock), he pretentiously claims:

"To answer the host's question about 'who is Jude Law,' the answer is... he's one of our finest actors."


Seriously, did he think that joke was so egregiously cruel he needed to rectify it? Did he see Jude Law withered in a corner with his "fuck any woman I want" looks, his Oscar nominations, and his millions of dollars crying because Chris Rock was mean to him, and didn't recognize his movie-star talents? Did Penn think the audience was going to be convinced he wasn't great by a joke in an Oscar monologue? Did he think anyone still gave a shit about a joke from 2 hours before?

It was a whole new level of "JEEEEEEEZZZZZ, lighten UUUUPPPPP!" I mean, I really truly believe there are people in this world that LOVE to be offended. I guess I'd never expect Spicoli to be one of 'em.

I also REALLY hate that line, that "he's one of our finest actors" bit. "Our"? Who is he referring to? I mean, I enjoy Jude Law, sure- but he's a movie star. He makes believe for a fucking living. This isn't the floor of Parliament. No need to get so fucking bratty.


Anyway, Chris Rock was OK for the most part. That bit where he went to the Magic Johnson theatre was weird. He interviewed a bunch of African American moviegoers, and they gave their best movies of the year picks. I guess the joke was that black people like shitty movies? The Albert Brooks part at the end was funny. I mean, it was funny, but it was also oddly pointless, cos I'd assume Chris Rock wasn't trying to make it seem like black people like shitty movies, so I don't really know why it was funny. Oh well.

I'm Willy BEEEE-man!"

As for "who won," I do not (did not) really care. Jamie Foxx- great, he was good. So were Leonardo DiCaprio, Paul Giamatti, Clint Eastwood, Bill Murray, Jim Carrey and Craig T Nelson. I bet Don Cheadle and Johnny Depp were great too.

I'd be lying though if I said it didn't make me happy to see a couple select people win- awesome to see Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor win for Best Adapted Screenplay for Sideways, great to see Charlie Kaufman FINALLY win (Eternal Sunshine), and if Shrek 2 had beaten out The Incredibles, I may have started hitting my girlfriend. Thanks for Erin, it didn't.

Couple of politically incorrect observations as well. First. Does Antonio Banderas feel that any film spoken in Spanish somehow reflects upon him? Like when they win something, he somehow is related? Dude, when a Spanish language film you had nothing to do with wins an award, I see no reason to be sitting on the edge of your seat ready to cry like it was your dream project.

And really, who the FUCK decided to let him sing? That performance with Carlos Santana (hands down the most overrated guitar player ever to walk the Earth) was literally retarded- so bad that the guy who wrote it, when he accepted his award for writing it, felt compelled to use valuable acceptance speech time SINGING the fucking thing, so people didn't get the wrong impression of it. Honestly, just embarassing.

Also, while I recognize the magnitude still of an African American winning something like Best Actor (and Jamie Foxx was not only great in Ray, he's really likeable, and he's been AWESOME in movies before- Ali, Any Given Sunday), I don't see how his winning Best Actor involves Oprah Winfrey. I really don't. So it was weird when he DID win, and we saw the crowd, and she gave some fist-pump to another crowd member, like, "we did it." No, we didn't do anything- Jamie was kickass. You just sniff his jock on your TV show... now that he's "legit."

Beyonce was awesome. And fantastically hot. Wow. Puffy should have been denied entrance though. He was shilling himself the whole time, conflating his importance/ role there and campaigning to be the "next James Bond," and he's going to "revolutionize the Oscars- me and Jamie Foxx." Piggybacking on more talent. Puffy's stock-in-trade.

I really like the Rock now. I gotta say. He's just a cool guy, he's a good actor, and he's playing a gay guy in a movie. I don't see Jake the Snake doing that.

What else... oh yes. Scarlett Johanssen was put on this planet to please me.

Million Dollar Baby was a GREAT movie. The Aviator, Sideways, The Incredibles, and most notably, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind were all better though. But really- Clint made it. Can you be mad at that? At least Scorsese didn't lose to Kevin Motherfucking Costner again.


Here's a great picture. Two of the all-time greats... Pedro Martinez and Sandy Koufax.

DAMON- "They're obsessed with us!"
TAYLOR- "I know! Jesus Fuck-Christ, they're pathetic!"

Ha. Sorry, that caption's an inside joke. No more of those, I promise.

The entire team helps Manny keep his boner under cover.

______________________________ |


Good post. About the Manny having a boner thing..second person to steal that joke, did you think I wasn't going to notice?

By Blogger Mike Rogan, at 3/01/2005 3:04 AM  

Yes,Timmy we are obsessed with them...forever... one more than the other for me:)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3/01/2005 7:45 AM  

"Good post. About the Manny having a boner thing..second person to steal that joke, did you think I wasn't going to notice?"

I was hoping.

By Blogger BS Memorial, at 3/01/2005 10:25 AM  

I guess we had a different take on the Oprah fist pump. I thought she was reacting to Foxx saying "This African-American dream." Maybe I missed something. I definitely missed Kaufman winnning an award. Good to know. ESOTSM ruled.

By Blogger Jere, at 3/01/2005 9:09 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home