19 January 2005

Nothing To Write About...

And when there's nothing to write about? Another one of those stupid-ass ripped off "this and that" posts!



  • I was flipping around TV today, and I saw a show you don't often see anymore on reruns... Mad About You. I'm not saying the lack of repeats distresses me- it doesn't- but how does that sort of weeding out even happen? I mean, do repeats ratings really fluctuate at all? Well, I guess so. Mad About You was like a show for people who liked Friends but thought it was too "edgy."


  • I was thinking the other day about how I experienced many, many classic movie moments in reverse- instead of seeing them, and then their parody... I almost always witnessed the parody somehow growing up, and then saw the original later. I saw Wayne's World 2 before I saw The Graduate (the last scene is an elaborate Grad takeoff), I saw the Naked Gun, Hot Shots! movies before the numerous films they (probably?) parodied. The weirdest feeling was seeing some serious movie, some classic- and relating it to the goofy parody. Since you're seeing it second, your brain almost tells you it is the parody, and then, well... tends to dim the appeal. Just a little.



  • "Oops... who woke the baby?"

  • Senior year of high school, I sort of forgot about Halloween right up until "Senior Dress Up Day" morning. I went to an all-boy school, and at lunch, everyone in an outfit would crowd the stage and everyone would vote on it. Anyway, I was totally lost on what to wear that morning, and I didn't want to be that douche that doesn't dress up. So, I looked around, and I noticed I had a Superman towel and a Superman t-shirt (the kind thats blue with the Superman logo all big-like). Kind of odd, actually, considering I'm a total Batman guy. Anyway, so, I put on the Superman shirt, took the towel (which was like the shirt- blue with the big "S" logo) and safety pinned the thing around my neck. Found some red plaid boxers, pulled them over my jeans, and threw on a pair of red Chuck Taylors.

    So we had to introduce who we "were" on the microphone, and everyone would clap for ones they liked. Anyway, let's just say I wasn't what anyone would describe as "cool" or "hip" or "with it" in high school. I looked ridiculous, so I figured instead of saying, "Hey, I'm Superman," I thought I'd try and make it kind of funny. Looking at my low-rent Superman, I shrugged and had an idea. In a thickly Eastern European accent (the first accent to come to mind even vaguely appropriate), I intoned,
    "I am EURO-Superman!"

    Pin drop. Cricket, cricket. Someone belched, a few guys laughed. No palm-meeting-palm... no applause. And to this day, I really still think that was totally fucking funny. I mean, EURO Superman- just like EuroDisney- the shit-ass, second rate version.

    I still say it was clever.




  • Die, die, die pig, die.

  • I knew that Chuck D, Andy Dick, and George Clinton were all in-car DJs on the GTA: SA radio stations. What I didn't realize was that they got W. Axl Rose to do it... AXL ROSE! The guy who doesn't leave his house, has shaved off all his eyebrows, is bald and wears a dreadlock wig with football jerseys, has been working on a record for going on ten years, once left a concert three songs deep in which James Hetfield nearly died of third-degree pyrotechnic burns- triggering a massive riot, and employs an herbalist spiritual advisor who has full access to his financial assets. Axl Rose. They got him in a studio for a number of hours- days, presumably- to record seemingly inane DJ-like banter. Is it me, or is that like, startlingly surprising? How'd they pull that off?



  • Not me, or my dog. I swear.

  • I was thinking- I'm sick of the ruse. It's really stupid. I'll go between nickname and real name in the future, but these are the people I'm talking about-
    1. My name is Tim

    2. "The Woman"s name is Erin

    3. My sister's name is Colleen

    4. "The Broseph"s name is Mike


    Everybody else I mention specifically by name, Mom, or Dad, but that was sort of bugging me. I mean, why did I do it? It's not like giving out the name "Mike" is clearing the pathway to his social security number or anything... (that's 555-69-1224).



  • Mark Bellhorn and Bronson Arroyo were each signed to one year deals with the Red Sox today, avoiding arbitration. Bellhorn will make $2.75 million, Arroyo $1.85 million. Each had a significant argument towards being the most valuable- in terms of production over dollars- in the AL last year. Good signs.


  • Mother- fuck VH1. First they corrupted Flavor Flav, turning him into a sad reality-show punchline tagging along with some drunk European action movie star. Now, on Celebrity Fit Club, they're trying to take Biz Markie from me? They're trying to make that what he's known for too! Fuckers. Fucking fuckers. A couple notes on all their celebrity reality show stuff, too-



    --I'm also upset to have my illusion of Danny Baldwin ruined. Man, I really thought he was such a cool, together guy. Color me surprised.
    --When are they gonna get Diamond David Lee Roth on one of these things? You telling me he's above these shows? Come on.
    --How the fuck did Verne Troyer allow himself to become an arrogant prick?
    --How much Angel Dust do you think Chyna takes on a given day, especially the days spent on the Surreal Life set? Seriously, the last five minutes of the "Celebrity Day Care" episode are straight up fucking scary.


    So you want an autograph? No? Ha ha, funny kid... what do you want, then? Oh. Directions to the Pizza Hut? Um- yea, sure, I know where it is.

    --I'll never be able to totally explain the Corey Feldman thing, but let me start by saying that once you've had Feldman on your reality series- the FIRST one- you've kind of blown your load right off the bat, if you ask me. He was literally borne unto this earth for shows like Surreal Life. He should be on every season. I mean, moments like these just defy description-
    ___a) Courting Vince Neal to sing with him at the charity concert so he could pimp his recording "career."
    ___b) The aforementioned performance, taken totally seriously, alongside Hammer's freaky clown performance and Emmanuel Lewis' 30 second break-dance-for-little-fellas appearance.
    ___c) When Vince Neal got really irrational and upset, and not to be upstaged, Feldman got irrational and upset... in the same way, only for an invented reason.
    ___d) Hearing producers say Feldman would tell them, while taping a reality show, "Hold on, I can make that line more real."
    ___e) Seeing the ten millionth gorgeous young lady marching down the path to doom that is the "aisle" in a Corey Feldman wedding. And these women keep getting hotter!
    ___f) The animal cruelty/ vegetarianism fight between Corey and Gabrielle Carteris.
    ___g) The makeshift protest signs he peppered the campsite with when his Surreal castmates went fishing.

    I could go on...




  • Remember Pinky and the Brain? I loved that show (along with The Animaniacs). Why did "the Brain" have the voice of Orson Welles? Did they exhume Welles too, because if not, that was a breathtaking impression.





  • Baby steps to March 1st... baby steps to March 1st... baby ste-eee-eps to March FIRST...

    ______________________________ |

    5 Comments:

    Hey VH1: You're not funny! One funny show and you take off with 5th rate comedians and washed up assbags and making specials up the ass. SHUT UP! GO AWAY AND PLAY SOME FUCKING MUSIC!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/19/2005 2:53 AM  

    The only 3 things I need in life are 1. Wu Tang Clan 2.Women and 3. Food.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/19/2005 9:13 PM  

    Pinky and the Brain was awesome! Animaniacs was better, but not by much. I used to watch both shows growing up. Hell if I see them on, I'll still watch em. Good times...good times....Rita and Runt got annoying though.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/19/2005 11:56 PM  

    Pinky and the Brain was awesome! Animaniacs was better, but not by much. I used to watch both shows growing up. Hell if I see them on, I'll still watch em. Good times...good times....Rita and Runt got annoying though.

    -PTH

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/19/2005 11:56 PM  

    "Hey, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?"
    Simply classic, those cartoons.

    You were just ahead of your peers on Euro Superman.

    Corey Feldman=This generation's Shatner. Speaking of, he's looking rather... puffy lately, wouldn't you say?

    By Blogger Empyreal, at 1/20/2005 6:06 AM  

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