22 July 2004

Random Musings To Keep My Mind Off the Sox...

First and foremost, I have to cop to something- I do, in fact, enjoy Vanilla Coke.


Hey, the Germans like it...



The other day I stopped off at a bodega in 90 degree heat/ humidity to grab one. I was dying of thirst, and I felt like a Vanilla Coke- I went to pay, the cashier looked down and said, "You realize that's VANILLA coke, right?" I said I was. He was just looking out for me. Odds are, if someone grabs one, it was a mistake. And I remember the first time I had it- in my backyard with Bill and Jake, disgusted and mocking it. It wasn't ripely offensive- just sort of meddlesome to a formula I didn't appreciate being meddled with.


Before you ask- no, I have no idea.



I am Coke-obsessed, someone that may average close to three cans-worth a day consumed. I prefer the can, going in the face of the purist's cries of glass bottles- I love the degrees cooler the can gets the Coke. It tastes different, too. And so one night at my Duane Reade, I went to get a regular Coke- and they were gutted in the soda aisle. 130 AM, and this was my only option, dying of thirst- I saw the 20 oz. bottle of Vanilla and thought, "I'll give it one more shot." Long story short, in the 20 oz.- it won me over. It has a real small touch of flavor, which is what's appealing to me. It tastes sort of like Dr. Pepper, another soda I enjoy.

Of course, none of this is nearly as bad as liking Diet Coke. They're like cat people, diet soda drinkers. They should't be allowed to procreate.

I have currently taken a small hiatus from Ulysses to blow through what promises to be a quick read- Jeff Pearlman's new book, The Bad Guys Won!. I know, I know- a book about the 86 Mets for a Sox fan? What are your hobbies, pissing glass and gulping bleach? Close. But let me explain...


The 1986 New York Mets have just been informed that Ray Knight (#22) has scored some coke.



When I was in first grade, I discovered baseball, and took a shine to the Red Sox. Growing up in southern Connecticut though, it was hard to find any like-minded fans in a town full of NYC commuter families. So, being the young boy that I was, I wanted to like what my friends liked. Seemed smart- we'd all be on the same page. As this was 1987, everyone liked the Mets. Fine. There was plenty to love for a blissfully unaware kid- the superstar with a funny name (Darryl Strawberry), the cool hard throwing pitcher (Doc Gooden) and the funny looking little guy (Lenny Dykstra). Plus, they'd just won the World Series, and were sure to do it again like, every year.

As soon as my aunt Meg's boyfriend discovers this, he steals away to my house to bestow upon me this:



The Official Video of the 1986 World Champion Mets. He dubbed me a copy, and I almost literally wore it out- I watched it over, and over, and over, and over. "Like a Rock," by Bob Seger. "Wild Boys" by Duran Duran. All the songs stil stuck in my head. It was transfixing for a person in the first, awesome stages of a love for baseball. I ate it up.

Of course, the video was "official" and thus skimpy on the details of a very many sordid things those 1986 Mets partook in, and I figured it could only make me howl with laughter to read what was flying directly over my head all those years ago. Sort of like when I looked back upon the Pee Wee Herman arrest case, and how my mom explained it to me then versus how I understand it now. Funny stuff. The book is interesting so far, but nothing you wouldn't guess.

Speaking of the Mets, how's this for a shocker- Mike Piazza, on the NY Sports Express, admitted to playing evil tough Mick McAllister in 1985 Michael J Fox masterpiece Teen Wolf. What the FUCK?!


Is this Mike Piazza?



You're shaking your head, saying NO! Mick McAllister was played by one Mark Arnold in the film. You would be correct, but it doesn't mean it wasn't the Miracle Met: here's Piazza's explanation:

NYSX: Of course. Were you billed as 'Mike Piazza' in the movie?

MP: No, Mark Arnold.


NYSX: Why not as yourself?

MP: I was really focused on either getting a baseball scholarship or getting drafted. The movie was for kicks, and I didn't want anyone thinking I was serious about being an actor. So Mike became Mark, and Piazza became Arnold—kind of a Gary Coleman joke.


Interesting. I still don't think they look alike enough to be the same guy. It seems weird this would have never come to life, EVER before Piazza brought it up, too. In fact, after a search of Google, I saw only this story. Not to mention the fact that the movie was released in 1985, which would have made Piazza about 15 or 16 when the movie was being made. Does that guy look 15 to you? Maybe if it's Piazza, a naturally huge guy. Hey, the evidence is there. It still seems so odd. Here's an older shot of Piazza:



But here, IMDB.com confirms it, as did the film's producers per the NYSX story. God, that totally fucks with my head. I don't know what end is up anymore.



UGH. This is too much. Honestly. Far be it from me to be snooty anti-reality TV guy, because that's played and I don't even care enough to hate it. But look at these fucking people. Where am I? What the fuck planet am I on? Of course this is a promo shot for A&E's (yup, A&E) new show, "Growing Up Gotti". It follows John's daughter Victoria- writer/ socialite/ botox receptacle/ egomaniac. So I guess the show is going to be "Newlyweds" style- wow, look at us rich people and how silly and pajama-wearing-y we can get!

And all that's one thing. But would you look at her kids? Just for a second. Look at those boys. Who ever said you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover is full of shit, cos whatever "book" that would be was written by a half witted pussy-chasing machismo machine without any goal in life outside of having the best speakers in his diamond encrusted car. That and mashing every bit of gay and black cultures into some unholy modern rich NYC male ubermensch. It's funny to think that they're copping black culture, which is in turn copping white culture from the 80's in large part, much of which generated by their uncle, John "The Teflon Don Who Is Curiously Idolized By a Bunch of Braindead Rappers Even Though He Was a Murderous Douche Bag" Gotti.


This just in- following the above statements, it is reported that the Bullshit Memorial site now..."Sleeps with the fishes"...



Retarded, stupid-ass stuff.

Finally, I know it's lame that I simply don't post on here when the Red Sox lose, but the way they've been playing lately, I can't bring myself to even comment on it. I'll feel more excited about it when they turn it around. They've just played so embarassingly bad that I'm trying not to think too much about em.

Look for a column on managers and some of my favorite TV shows coming up soon...

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