14 June 2004

Ulysses, My Fantasy Teams and Trot Returning

Remember this? I do. Game 3, ALDS vs. Oakland. Game winning HR in the 11th to win it and keep the Sox alive. Miss him? Yeah, me too.

(Funny story about that. Actually, its really not funny. I missed that HR. That game started as I was at work, and I stole glances at it the entire night. I completely dropped the pretense of catching a glimpse during the "Eric Byrnes is a retarded baby" episode, and I got home before it ended, thanks to the extras. I was glued to the TV, and my brother Shaggy was out somewhere, not as aware of the situation. He called for a ride as the innings changed- I knew Trot would pinch hit for Kapler that inning, and I vaguely heard Harden was coming in. It was a righty. It was Trot. I told my mom that I flatly refused to go get him- I always did, I reasoned, and she was doing nothing but lounging and watching TV. She owed me as much, just this once.

As I was driving to get him, vein popping from my brow, I heard on WFAN the update that Nixon ended it. I nearly drove off the road.

I swear to God and anything else- I will NEVER forgive my mother for depriving me of seeing that live. I love her more than anything. But NEVER. EVER.)

He's coming back. Soon. Hold your asscakes, friends, the OD (Original Dirt Dog) is coming back. As in Tuesday (or Wednesday). This is unbelivably awesome. Expect elation from this place when it happens.

I've started, for about the 35th time (without yet completing), reading Ulysses. It is, of course, brilliant and Joyce is, by far and away my favorite writer. Maybe it's the mic thing.

Anyway, it is the first book I've ever had to put myself on a conditioning program for. When reading Ulysses, one MUST

  • Read at least once a day, if not twice. Failing to keep up will cause you to lag, lose tone and fall behind.

  • Read ONLY when fully awake, aware, and with undivided attention. This is especially true of Ulysses because if one's mind was to wander for, say, a page- you could be more lost than my brother with a naked girl. Trust me. It's forced me to drop the book more than once.

  • Try and coast on dialogue, getting the most information/ exposition here. Just kick back and enjoy the prose, and don't try too hard to pull it apart. It's 750 fucking pages.

  • Finish the book this time. Seriously. Dude.

  • (not my copy.)

    I've noticed too, its almost like playing "Stairway to Heaven" at a guitar store. If I see someone looking at the bookcover, I instantly feel embarassed, like they think I'm publicly jerking off by reading it in front of everyone. I had to put it away on the bus today for fear someone was going to think I was trying to impress them. I don't care what people think, but to have someone think something like that of you is worth avoiding.

    But then I got over it and stopped giving a shit.

    This just in: my fantasy teams FUCKING SUCK. I have NO idea how it happened too. I have quality players too, and for some reason, there I am, sinking like a stone. It's like Kenny G or Michael Bolton-- 15 million some odd people own the albums, but you don't know anybody who does (actually, not totally true. My mom and her friends love that shit.)

    I guess, upon further review, it makes more sense. Pedro has been iffy, Nomar has been hurt, Eric Chavez has screwed me royal. I based a few of my teams on Marcus Giles (going for the best in a shallow talent pool at 2B early) and while he started miraculously, he broke his fucking collarbone. Prior has been injured, Schmidt, Colon has decided to just direct deposit his paychecks to his White Castle account. A few of my gambles didn't quite pay off (Kip Wells, Byung Hyun Kim, Chris Reitsma, Kurt Ainsworth, Gil Meche) and, well, I'm losing. I know, I know, its June. But I'm like, 8th of 12 in all my leagues. I dominate normally- this is disconcerting.

    I've had some surprises too. I picked up Paul Wilson early on a gamble, Lyle Overbay payed off in one league, as did my guessing that Pat Burell and Jermaine Dye would come back. They obviously did not come back enough.

    I'll keep progress posted.

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