25 June 2004

Nothing Much Important...

Remember Li'l Penny? That NIKE commercial with Anfernee Hardaway and his little companion/ Mini-Me type doll voiced by Chris Rock?

It was a good commercial. Pretty funny. Quick question- why the fuck can't people think of their own ideas anymore? Sprite is just flat out stealing the idea now, pairing this little fella

nicknamed "Thirst" with LeBron James. Ugh. Does this annoy anyone else? Not because I strive for excellence in the advertising field- but because it just takes the wind out of every starving creative person's sails. Who are these people getting jobs OKing stuff like this and "The Simple Life"? I would love to know the ratio of remakes/ TV spinoffs to originals in American film in the last ten years. Fucking stupid.

Speaking of commercials, I didn't think much of the Miller spots about electing a "President of Beers," as it was standard beer commercial fare- comedic in tone, goofy, whatever. Bob Odenkirk, one of my writing heroes, happened to star in the ads (I know- he's so much better than that. It was rough on me), so I remembered them.

Apparently so did Budweiser, whom Miller is, in the ads, trying to beat. The Miller ads are, ostensibly, campaign ads- a mildly creative idea in an election year. Anyway, Budweiser apparently didn't see a) the humor or b) the seemingly benign nature of the commercials that are truly not malicious in any way. So how does Budweiser respond? By acting like a cornered 5 year old, going on the "attack." They drag out their tired, stupid characters, those fucking cantakerous lizards who shoot the bull, and fire a nasty shot at Miller. Something to the effect of, "Hey, did you hear that Miller is owned by a South African company? How can THEY be King of Beers? They're not even American!"


Except, of course, there is no "President of Beers," and if there was, it might be an unfair leap to assume that it would adhere to the same rules as our actual Presidential election.

Remember that fucking one with the ferret? Ugh. Fuck Budweiser.

The Bud ads go on to needlessly insult Odenkirk too, when the wise ass lizard tells the Eeyore one, "Hey, the spokesman has found work, though. He's going to host some reality show called 'Socks and Underwear.'" I'm paraphrasing, but you get the point- they're acting like babies who can't take a lazy joke. What's interesting about it is how randomly petty and over-reactive a MAJOR company can be. Just really weird. Hard to explain if you didn't see the lizard commercial- it just gives off the most childish, petty vibe. Oh well. Moving on...

There is something perversely enjoyable about watching Sean Hannity. Seriously.

Just the most contemptable, bully-ish, braindead extremist shithead- and I LOVE his show. In fact, I think it would be more fun if Colmes would just give up the ruse and leave. Hannity'd be even funnier unchecked. Oh well.

Colmes is seriously the limpest, wettest noodle in the entire world. I don't have any specific evidence of this, but I mean, watch the show. It's a riot. He's like a liberal mistrel show- painting his face black, shucking and jiving for the sake of an "I-can-sleep-at-night-cos-I-offer-opposing-views" for Hannity. Or something. I'm told his radio show is a dream.

Anyway, my point is- it really is a bundle of laughs to see that Hannity-jaw jut out in anger every time he has a "liberal" on. I still find it funny when he uses that term in a derogatory fashion. Just makes me laugh. Seriously, try watching. TRY not to talk to the TV. It's fun. Also- here's a great bit from "The Onion:"
Alan Colmes Loses Argument With Nephew

NEW YORK- Alan Colmes, the liberal co-host of the Fox News debate program Hannity & Colmes, lost an argument to his nephew Bryan while babysitting the 8-year-old Monday. "I wanted to stay up late to watch television, but Uncle Alan said, 'There's already too much self-parenting in America,'" Bryan said. "So I started screaming, 'Mom lets me, Mom lets me,' real loud. He gave in after, like, 20 seconds." In the past two years, Bryan has won arguments with Colmes on the subjects of Pokemon cards, Crunch Berries cereal, and steel tariffs.


I've decided to make a little list- well, two actually- of the baseball broadcasters I enjoy and those I hate. If they fall anywhere in the middle- I left em out. Of course, I can only include the announcers I hear in the NYC area. First, the LOVE:

Jerry Remy is hands down the best color man in broadcasting- for ANY sport.

  • Jerry Remy

  • Sean McDonough

  • Don Orsillo

  • Ken Singleton

  • Jon Miller

  • Bob Uecker (in moderation)

  • Vin Scully

  • Tom Seaver

  • Joe Girardi

  • Al Leiter

  • Duane Kuiper

  • The Hate:

    Steve Lyons is so bad, it makes me actually consider the possibility he's the worst- even with Michael Kay!

  • Michael Kay

  • Fran Healey

  • Joe Morgan

  • Tim McCarver

  • Thom Brennaman

  • Rick Sutcliffe

  • Steve "Psycho" Lyons

  • David Justice

  • Jeff Brantley

  • For the record, just as a general rule... I can't think of one ESPN guy outside Jon Miller that I like calling games. Ditto Fox. Joe Buck is terrible, I just don't hate him.

    No Ulysses today. Will be seeing Napoleon Dynamite tomorrow, will report back on that. And finally...

    Records listened to...
    Afghan Whigs- 1965

    Peter Gabriel- So

    Interpol- Turn On the Bright Lights

    My Bloody Valentine- Loveless

    Sly & the Family Stone- There's a Riot Goin' On

    Television- Marquee Moon

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