16 June 2004

Not Washing My Hands, Thanks.

I don't wash my hands after I piss. It sounds bad- even to me, when you say it, it sounds bad. "I take a piss in the bathroom and I leave without so much as looking at a faucet."

It conjures images of dirty, germy genitals and urine flying everywhere, with my practically bathing in it all, then walking out into the world sticking my infected fingers in people's food and drink.

Except that is, of course, not the case. You pull up, grab your dick- which, at least for me, tends to be one of the cleanest parts of my body since it doesn't usually crawl out in germy areas- urinate in the bowl (or urinal-trough type thing) and leave. The good ones (and by that I mean fucking EVERYONE) manage to avoid pissing on their hands. So, let's recap. When I piss,

  • I do not piss on my hands.

  • I do not introduce my hands to any new germs (there are more germs on a doorknob than my dick, I promise).

  • I do not reach into the toilet water for fun.

  • So what exactly is the problem here?

    I got my 2004 Red Sox Media Guide today. It is un-fucking-BELIEVABLE. So exhaustive. So much stuff! Totally recommend it. Some highlights...

  • Ellis Burks' middle name is Rena.

  • Gabe Kapler has "appeared on the cover of numerous bodybuilding magazines."

  • Byung-Hyun Kim is...single. No seriously, that's how it's typed.

  • Kim's performance in the Asia Games allowed him to sign a baseball contract, earning him a deferment from military service from the Korean government.

  • Trot's son Chase was born on Sept. 11th 2001. He was also Baseball America's 1993 Player of the Year. He went to the same high school as David Brinkley, Sonny Jurgensen and Roman Gabriel, his dad caught Catfish Hunter in high school, and Trot signed a letter of intent to play QB for NC State, but signed with the Sox instead. Sweet.

  • David Ortiz has two young girls, 8 and 3 years old. He is definitely the best dad ever.

  • Manny Ramirez was, in 1999, inducted into the New York City Public Schools Athletic Hall of Fame with Bobby Thomson, Nate Archibald, John Franco, and Shawon Dunston. In Manny's senior year of high school, in 22 games, he hit .615 with 14 HRs.

  • Schilling took a page out of Clemens' playbook, naming all his kids starting in "G." I get Clemens and "K." I do not get the "G." Curt was also born in Anchorage Alaska, just like my mom.

  • Mike Timlin enjoys "golf and hunting." I'm shocked.

  • Jason Varitek was Baseball America's 1993 College Player of the Year. His no. 33 is the only number retired in Georgia Tech history, and joined Nomar and Kevin Brown as the three baseball representatives on the school's 50 Greatest Athletes of the 20th Century list.

  • Senior year of high school, Scott Williamson struck out 138 men... in 84 innings.

  • Cool stuff. I have no words for how many inane stats they have in here. I eat this shit up with a spoon. Cool stuff.

    Records listened to today...

    Death Cab For Cutie- Transatlanticism

    Elliott Smith- either/or

    The Breeders- Last Splash

    I fucking missed the delivery man for the Simpsons Season Four DVD today, which means I either get back here in time tomorrow for delivery... or they put it in the mail to me and I get it in a god damn week or something. I am lusting for this DVD. I hate waiting.

    Here are a list of my PS2 games, updated after getting NHL 2003. Red Dead Revolver sucked a BIG one.

  • Grand Theft Auto III

  • Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
  • Madden 2004

  • Manhunt

  • MVP Baseball 2004

  • NHL 2003

  • The Simpsons: Hit & Run

  • Spider-Man

  • Star Wars: Bounty Hunter

  • Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2003

  • Tony Hawk Underground

  • Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas CANNOT get here soon enough. October?! Here are some screen shots to tide, uh, me over. It looks to me like an early nineties- Southern California style gang thing. This means that not only will the GAME rule (that's a definite), the music will FUCKING rule. I already love the look of the game- sun burnt, detailed, just as I picture so many SoCal neighborhoods. Should be awesome stuff. The screenshots are all they've got on detail/description so far, but here's the website anyway.

    Fuckin' A.

    I've gotten through the first section of Ulysses, and I am finally onto Leopold Bloom. The book is legendary for it's flow of consciousness creation of everyday life and the random creation of every instant- but what has struck me initially is his frighteningly natural dialogue. I've said it before, but the dialogue becomes a compass in the book- somewhere to ground you (more or less) in something external, as so much of the book is the internal of Dedalus/ Bloom. At least so far, that is.

    Bloom's initial walk through Dublin and his stop off in a pub are inspired, obviously. I am actually thinking of buying one of those Ulysses companions, just to decipher even some of the thickly wooded verbiage. I still don't think it is necessary to absorb even half of the nearly constant references, but to learn the origins of a bunch of them would be, at the absolute worst, incredibly interesting. Anyway, I have also been impressed with my pea brain's ability to consistently concentrate, although I'm giving full credit to the book. It truly is mind blowing, truly one of humankind's towering achievements. I'll continue my chronicling of my 3 millionth attempt at surviving Ulysses.

    And finally? Why don't we all rise, and welcome back the MAN himself... Trot Nixon.

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