22 June 2004

"Dodgeball" SUCKED...and other observations...

The movie featured a character that thought he was a pirate. That's it. That was the joke.

With that considered, I don't even know where to start. I know I hated the last movie I saw too... but this one was almost as bad. I'm not being contrarian about it, it was just terrible. I kind of wanted to like it, though I'm growing weary of the Ben Stiller lexicon of caricatures. Simply put, this movie redefines the term "phoning it in," with particular honors on that note going to Vince Vaughn. Ben Stiller is playing the role he played in "Heavyweights," but much less funny. Stephen Root is hilarious, but it almost doesn't even matter- if you find ball jokes and people getting hit in said balls or the face repeatedly, this is your kind of movie. If you don't like those things, exclusively, in a movie- well, don't go see this. Good God.

The ideas were stale, boring and played by a bunch of people who just didn't care. A pirate character? In a movie about rival gym owners? Huh?! Furthermore- maybe I'm being a prick, but if Ben Stiller's wife can't get work- is that our fault? Does he put her on his rider or something? Are they a packaged deal? She's God-awful, but there she is, in nearly everything Stiller's done since they've married.

I did like the idea that Stiller's character, the maniacal gym chain owner White Hillman, was vaguely homo-centric. By that I of course mean I enjoyed when they toyed with that idea early in film, and I sort of didn't enjoy not seeing it reintroduced. I really don't think I was asking too much of this movie- I had some time to kill, I went in wanting a few laughs. I got 2 hours of wrenches in people's faces, dodgeballs in people's crotches, Simpsons rip-offs (complete with Hank Azaria cameo), lame retread Hasselhoff jokes, a nothing plot, bored actors and literally nothing to hang my hat on. Nothing to make me say, "well at least there was that one part..." Nothing. Nada.

This movie has inspired me to whittle down my list of movies I'll be sure to see this summer. No more wastes of 10 bucks. Topping the list is certainly Anchorman, as sure a bet as they come. Here's what I'll likely see:
Anchorman July 9
I, Robot July 16
Spiderman 2 June 30
Fahrenheit 9/11 June 30
De-Lovely July 16
Alien vs. Predator August 13
Collateral July
The Village July 30
The Bourne Supremacy July

That's all I got for now.

One quick question- how much more fucking money do Led Zeppelin, The Who, and the Rolling Stones actually need? I'm not specifically against the whole selling-out-song-in-a-commercial thing- I'm 22 now, not 17. I'll live. But I guess I just don't understand why a group like Led Zeppelin has decided to pile money higher than they can even physically see while insulting their fans and demeaning their music. "Rock n Roll" used to be a really bitching song- now I can't listen to it anymore. AT ALL. It's a car commercial, an overplayed song. Same thing goes for "Happy Jack," "You Can't Always Get What You Want," "Won't Get Fooled Again," and on and on... what's the payoff? They should take a few pages out of the Beatles playbook on this one. Ugh. Just really pisses me off. If Zep EVER uses "Achilles Last Stand" in a commercial...

Too tired to post on. That'll have to be all. Ulysses is plugging along, and I have entered into the "headlines" section, wherein Bloom interacts amid Joyce's dropping headlines from newspapers all over the place. Still trying to wrap my head around it, honestly. We'll see. Go Sox tomorrow against the Twinkies- Schilling's ankle looks to be ok, so let's see 8 IP, ER, 11 K, 0 BB. That'd be hot.

Word is too that the Sox have made a low risk aquisition of recently-released Curtis Leskanic. Please do check out his career stats (extremely impressive) below:

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